Thursday, January 29, 2009
Beware the Hair - There's Still Time
I picked up my Beware the Hair t-shirt tonight from McCandless resident Sharon Smith. The shirt available in grey or Steelers gold, and you will look just like Troy Polamalu, complete with the famous locks flowing down your back. There's still time for you to get one. Just click here. You'll be glad you did.
Terrorism, circa 1976
The terroristic roots of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed appear to be traceable to 1976, when, as an impressionable 12 (or 11) year old Kuwaiti (or Pakastani), and a devoted watcher of Sesame Street, he encountered the October, 1976 issue of Sesame Street Magazine, depicting Cookie Monster eating the twin towers of the World Trade Center.
Today's Oneword - Lock
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Pigeons - PittGirl Gets Indexed
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Pittsburgh To Get New Bird Watcher-In-Chief
Linda Dickerson has resigned as chief quill wielder of the National Aviary, according to an article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, One of America's Great Bird Cage Liners.
Ms Dickerson's letter reportedly squawked, "My decision stems from the realization that the institution's business practices are incompatible with mine."
Man, if I used that criteria, I would have flown the coop ages ago. Sometimes you just have to keep scratching for seed, lay your eggs on time, and accept that you're not getting out of the cage...but wait, Ms. Dickerson was the eagle in charge of the avi-aerie, so if the institution's business practices were incompatible with hers, then she was apparently not effectively ruling the roost.
Ms. Dickerson, who took flight at the aviary in March 2007, attached a list of chicken scratchings recommending better management and fund raising at the North Side institution to her letter of resignation, which was immediately used to line the pigeon cage.
Maybe the first recommendation should be to find a CEO who can ruffle a few feathers and keep the squabs in line.
Today's Oneword - Middle
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Today's Oneword - Princess
In America, we have the belief that you can grow up to be most anything. But not King, Queen, Prince, or Princess. That's something you'd have to be born into, and we don't have inherited royalty. What we have, however, is inherited money, and that pretty much leads to the same end.
(Although I didn't write this in my Oneword post, America also has a rich tradition of inherited fame, which is very closely related to inherited money. How else would Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana or Paris Hilton have any significance whatsoever?)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Today's Oneword - Change
Peters Township Sits On The Fence
According to an article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, One of America's Great Newspapers, the Peters Township school board has denied a request by students to recognize fencing as an independent sport. This would have allowed the team members to use the school district's name for the purpose of participating in an upcoming regional playoff.
It certainly can't be about safety, as the Peters ice hockey team is recognized as an independent sport.
And now, for a roll call of the fence-sitters: Voting in favor of the request were Cindy Golembiewski, Lynn Erenberg, David Hvizdos and Julie Ann Sullivan. Dissenting were Thomas McMurray, Diane Ritter, Sue Smith and Mark Buzzatto. Board member John Stepusin was absent.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Today's Oneword - Dance
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Today's Oneword - Grapes
Friday, January 16, 2009
Today's Oneword - Veins
Bloomberg Declares War On NYC's Canada Geese
New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg declared an open season on Canada Geese after yesterday's crash of US Airways Flight 1549 into the Hudson River. "We might not be able to get the geese that attacked that plane," said Bloomberg, "but we can certainly make a pre-emptive strike on their fellow terrorist geese."
Bloomberg's sentiments were echoed by New York Governor David Paterson, who, though legally blind, purchased a Remington Model 870. He was last seen entering a goose blind on the roof of Gracie Mansion, New York's mayor's residence.
Paterson created something of a stir when he prohibited Vice President Dick Cheney from entering Gracie Mansion. "I know he shot down America's privacy laws and wounded the Constitution, but he's not getting a shot at our geese," said Paterson. Cheney swore under his breath, and a nearby reporter believed he'd heard him mutter something about using his Browning double barrel on a blind Democrat.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Accuracy In Weather Forecasting
You've got to hand it to the National Weather Service. First, they completely mess up last weekend's non-snowstorm. Now, well, here's the forecast for tomorrow:
Snow, mainly between 1pm and 3pm. High near 35. South wind 13 to 16 mph becoming west. Chance of precipitation is 80%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 3 inches possible.
Isn't that interesting?! A sure thing Winter Storm, with a total forecast accumulation of 4-8 inches, resulted in an inch of snow, yet tomorrow, they not only predict that we'll get 1-3 inches of snow, but that it will mainly occur between 1pm and 3 pm.
As part of the public that needs to know when it's time to hit the Giant Eagle to stock up on water and toilet paper, how am I supposed to take this forecast seriously? I'm sticking to my trusty weather forecast rug.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
My Power Element Is Wood
Your Power Element is Wood
Your power colors: green and brown
Your energy: generative
Your season: spring
Like a tree, you are always growing and changing.
And while your life is dynamic, you are firmly grounded.
You have high morals and great confidence in yourself and others.
You have a wide set of interests, and you make for interesting company.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Another Pittsburgh Winter Storm Fizzle
It has happened again. The sequence was typical:
- Winter Storm Watch issued.
- Hand wringing.
- Bottled water and toilet paper acquired in mass quantities.
- Winter Storm Watch changed to Winter Storm Warning.
- Note that Winter Storm Warning is most emailed story at the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, One of America's Great Newspapers. Even more emailed than Steelers playoffs articles.
- Friday Evening and Saturday activities canceled.
- Get out snowshoes and hope for some rare fun.
- Wake up Saturday morning to an inch of snow and nothing coming out of the skies.
- Turn on weather radio to find out Winter Storm Warning canceled.
- Find someplace to store all that toilet paper.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Today's Oneword - Now
My Word Is "Why"
You see life as complicated and intriguing. The only thing you know for sure is that you haven't figured it all out yet.
You question everything and believe very little. And whatever you believe is likely to change.
You are interested in theories, philosophies, and religions... even if you don't buy into any of them.
You are also fascinated by how things work. You'd like to understand as much in the world as possible.
Speed On The Basepaths
According to an article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, One of America's Great Newspapers, Major League Baseball authorized nearly 8 percent of its players to use drugs for ADHD last season, which allowed them to take otherwise banned stimulants. A total of 106 exemptions for banned drugs were given to major leaguers claiming attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
LeSean McCoy To Turn Pro
Thursday, January 08, 2009
LeSean McCoy To Complete His Education
LeSean McCoy To Complete His Education
University of Pittsburgh star tailback LeSean McCoy is expected to announce Friday he will complete his education at the University of Pittsburgh.
McCoy met the press afer conferring with his mother, who reportedly told her son, "Your football career can be over in an instant, but they can never take away your education." "That kind of made up my mind for me," said McCoy, a sophomore majoring in Undergraduate Studies.
We now return you to the parallel universe, in which Spock DOESN'T have that goatee.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Today's Oneword - Carton
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Today's Oneword - Wealth
Burris - I Bought This Senate Seat Fair and Square
Would be Illinois Senator Roland Burris spoke to reporters yesterday regarding the obstacles to his being seated as Barack Obama's replacement. "When this seat was put on the market, it was clearly stated that it would go to the highest bidder," said Burris. "I won it fair and square, and it's mine."
Monday, January 05, 2009
Today's Oneword - Only
I Am Copper
|You are provocative and challenging. You help people realize who they really are.|
You live a very balanced life. You always take time for love and art.
You are both a powerful and generous person. You always have time to give back.
People find you to be incredibly ethical and loyal.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Today's Oneword - Meant
What The State Of My Home Says About Me
|Your Home Says That You Feel Unsettled and Free|
You have poor hygiene, whether you know it or not. Time to clean up your act!
You are a very domestic person. You enjoy decorating, cooking, and making things homey.
You are a very nurturing person. You find meaning in taking care of others.
You don't feel settled in your life yet. You are scrambling to figure things out.
You are a very self sufficient person. You can get along well without much help.
Your friends see you as accommodating, peaceful, and forgiving.
Friday, January 02, 2009
I Will Die At Age 82
(I'm not sure I really wanted to live that long...)
You're poised to live a long, healthy life.
I Remember 80% of 2008
And you remember what happened really well.
You'll be able to talk about 2008 for years to come...
Even when most people have forgotten what went down.
Today's Oneword - Bandage
Thursday, January 01, 2009
2009 Ghoul Pool - Look Who's Dyin' In 2009
My 2008 Ghoul Pool had just one successful entry – Sir Edmund Hillary. That's the same result as my 2007 list, and better than 2006, where everyone survived the year. We’ll see how accurate my prognostications are for this year’s pool, “Look Who's Dyin' in 2009.”
- Geraldine Ferraro – Our first token female vice-presidential candidate, and one with qualifications to boot, she now is fully qualified to pass beyond the veil.
- Amy Winehouse – When she gets to the ultimate rehab clinic, she’s not gonna be able to say “no, no, no.”
- Seve Ballesteros – He’s not going to be able to hit his way out of the thick rough of his brain tumor.
- Ted Kennedy – He has plans to begin lobbying for equal protection for the “life sustainability challenged.”
- Steve Jobs – An Apple a day is not going to keep the Grim Reaper away.
- Billy Graham – He couldn’t afford to die in late 2008, but he’ll die in 2009 as economic conditions improve.
- Karl Malden – Wins the Oscar in “A Casket Named Desire.”
- Paul Harvey – “Hello, citizens of Heaven, I'm Paul Harvey.”
- Elizabeth Edwards – At this point it’s the only graceful way to get rid of John.
- Bob Barker – With the economy in shambles, the price is now finally right to get into Heaven.