Wednesday, January 01, 2014

2014 Ghoul Pool - Out The Door in Twenty-One-Four

The world lost a number of greats in 2013, leaving some big vaults, er, shoes to fill. 

  1. Billy Graham – He’s looking forward to his eternal reward, but would like a chance to preach to Mark Sanford before getting there. Speaking of whom...
  2. Mark Sanford – The former South Carolina Governor and current representative from South Carolina’s 1st Congressional District, he will continue the search for his eternal soul mate on the eternal Appalachian Trail.
  3. Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI – Gets so bored with his emeritus status that he steals the Popemobile and crashes while joyriding on the Spanish Steps.
  4. Bob Barker – The only thing he knows the price of these days is caskets.
  5. Lance Armstrong – Develops bilateral oral cancer from talking out of both sides of his mouth for so long.
  6. Former First Lady Barbara Bush – She has always seemed pretty reasonable, and we don’t have room for that nonsense in 2014.
  7. Betty White – Following hip surgery after a fall during an SNL episode where she attempts to out-twerk Miley Cyrus.
  8. Anthony Weiner – It’s hard to predict the exact manner of death, but you can bet that a cell phone will be involved.
  9. Robert Ballard – Expedition to search the Canadian Arctic for the remains of the lost Franklin Expedition mysteriously disappears.
  10. Angela Lansbury – Will gracefully move into the leading role in the one-act drama, “Obituary, She Wrote”.
And now, there can be little doubt that Miley Cyrus has to replace Lindsay Lohan as this year’s wild card pick. That train’s gonna wreck for sure, but we just don’t know how bizarre the derailment’s gonna be.


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