Friday, January 16, 2009

Bloomberg Declares War On NYC's Canada Geese

New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg declared an open season on Canada Geese after yesterday's crash of US Airways Flight 1549 into the Hudson River. "We might not be able to get the geese that attacked that plane," said Bloomberg, "but we can certainly make a pre-emptive strike on their fellow terrorist geese."


Bloomberg's sentiments were echoed by New York Governor David Paterson, who, though legally blind, purchased a Remington Model 870. He was last seen entering a goose blind on the roof of Gracie Mansion, New York's mayor's residence.

Paterson created something of a stir when he prohibited Vice President Dick Cheney from entering Gracie Mansion. "I know he shot down America's privacy laws and wounded the Constitution, but he's not getting a shot at our geese," said Paterson. Cheney swore under his breath, and a nearby reporter believed he'd heard him mutter something about using his Browning double barrel on a blind Democrat.

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