Wednesday, January 01, 2014

2014 Ghoul Pool - Out The Door in Twenty-One-Four

The world lost a number of greats in 2013, leaving some big vaults, er, shoes to fill. 

  1. Billy Graham – He’s looking forward to his eternal reward, but would like a chance to preach to Mark Sanford before getting there. Speaking of whom...
  2. Mark Sanford – The former South Carolina Governor and current representative from South Carolina’s 1st Congressional District, he will continue the search for his eternal soul mate on the eternal Appalachian Trail.
  3. Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI – Gets so bored with his emeritus status that he steals the Popemobile and crashes while joyriding on the Spanish Steps.
  4. Bob Barker – The only thing he knows the price of these days is caskets.
  5. Lance Armstrong – Develops bilateral oral cancer from talking out of both sides of his mouth for so long.
  6. Former First Lady Barbara Bush – She has always seemed pretty reasonable, and we don’t have room for that nonsense in 2014.
  7. Betty White – Following hip surgery after a fall during an SNL episode where she attempts to out-twerk Miley Cyrus.
  8. Anthony Weiner – It’s hard to predict the exact manner of death, but you can bet that a cell phone will be involved.
  9. Robert Ballard – Expedition to search the Canadian Arctic for the remains of the lost Franklin Expedition mysteriously disappears.
  10. Angela Lansbury – Will gracefully move into the leading role in the one-act drama, “Obituary, She Wrote”.
And now, there can be little doubt that Miley Cyrus has to replace Lindsay Lohan as this year’s wild card pick. That train’s gonna wreck for sure, but we just don’t know how bizarre the derailment’s gonna be.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Corporate purity

business guys in ties
promote other guys in ties
clones on the ladder

Monday, August 12, 2013

Swedish Hazard Warnings

OK, so I’m fine that Sweden felt compelled to issue a warning when a fisherman caught a pacu, a piranha-like fish that likes to crack nuts and having jaws strong enough to cut off your finger. But the specific warning issued was that these vegetarian fish might be attracted to testicles and that male skinny-dippers should thus take precautions to protect their family jewels.
Scott’s Spot asks the following:
  1. This was based on one pacu caught in Swedish waters?
  2. Is skinny-dipping so common in Sweden that testicle-chomping is the most imminent hazard posed by pacu fish, should there be any others on the loose. 

Friday, April 12, 2013

The Girls of Pyongyang

There once were some girls from Pyongyang
Who joined North Korea’s soldier gang.
They had forced daily marches –
Four-inch heels hurt their arches,
Yet Kim Jong Un's praises they sang.

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Rutgers Schools Penn State

Fired Rutgers basketball coach Mike Rice issued the following statement, according to a CNN article:

"I can't say anything right now except I'm sorry, and there will never be a time where I'm going to use any of that as an excuse or will there be any excuse," he said, according to the station. "I've let so many people down, my players, my administration, Rutgers University, the fans, my family -- who's sitting in their house, just huddled around because of the fact that their father was an embarrassment to them."


Can you imagine how things might have been different at Penn State if we had heard any words like that?

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

The line at the Men's Room will soon rival that of the Ladies' Room at the Lehigh Valley IronPigs Coca-Cola Park in Allentown, Pennsylvania, with the installation of these urinal video games. Guys will order an extra Yuengling just to increase their playing time.


Read about it here.

Monday, February 18, 2013

It's Great To Be An American

Saturday, February 16, 2013

I Am Conscientious, Agreeable, and Open

Most would rate me as being much more neurotic...

You are Conscientious, Agreeable and Open

You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.


You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.


You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.


You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great admirer of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

It's Survey-Taking Time

I completed the 2nd annual company employee satisfaction survey. After last year's survey, each group had a meeting, with a provided facilitator, and was told that the management directive was to improve things before next year's survey.

I don't think they're gonna like the results of this year's survey.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Kennywood's Laser Loop Reincarnated as Chapultepec Park's Cascabel

Pittsburgh's Kennywood Park is the one of the great family amusement parks in the U.S. Kennywood's first looping roller coaster, the Laser Loop, operated from 1980-1990, when it was removed to make room for the Steel Phantom.

Thanks to the That's Church blog, I found out that the ride was moved to Chapultepec Park in Mexico city, where it has been operating as the Cascabel since 1994.

I actually rode the Laser Loop shortly after it opened in 1980.  My date, who was far more of a roller coaster enthusiast than I, coerced me into riding it multiple times, including once in the front seat.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Political Compass Quiz Results

Another pretty good political quiz is the Political Compass. After a series of questions, your results are put on a grid with economic results on the horizontal axis and social results on the vertical axis. Th general scheme is shown on these graphs:

My test results are shown on this graph. They show me to be economical left of center and socially libertarian.

Finally, my test results are shown versus several political figures in the 2012 U.S. Presidential election. It's unfortunate the the major party political figures are all shown as conservative authoritarians. President Obama certainly portrayed himself as a much more liberal candidate in 2008 than the authoritarian he turned out to be once in office.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Political Spectrum Quiz Results

Here's my result from a pretty good political spectrum quiz. Each of these quizzes is interesting in the way that certain questions are phrased. This particular one is interesting in that it asks you to weight each question.

My Political Views
I am a left social moderate
Left: 4.89, Libertarian: 0.65

Foreign Policy:
On the left side are pacifists and anti-war activists. On the right side are those who want a strong military that intervenes around the world. You scored: -6.43

My Foreign Policy Views
Score: -6.43

Where are you in the culture war? On the liberal side, or the conservative side? This scale may apply more to the US than other countries. You scored: -2.78

My Culture War Stance
Score: -2.78

Pittsburgh Mills and the Two Bears

A couple of bears have been prowling about, like Dark Knights, in the Pittsburgh Mills Mall area lately, according to an article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, One of America's Great Newspapers. The Pennsylvania Game Commission is using some tried-and-true bait, Hostess brand mini muffins and ding dongs, to lure the the one remaining bear into this trap.

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Pittsburgh Steelers Give Coke The Death Penalty

The Pittsburgh Steelers today announced a new multi-year partnership with Pepsi, effectively giving Coke the death penalty. A tearful Mean Joe Greene said he didn't know whether his classic Coke commercials would be destroyed.

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Sunday, August 14, 2011

Want To See Some REAL College Football?

Want to see some REAL college football? How about going to a Division II or Division III game? They're just as exciting as Division I games, except they're cheaper and the participants are real college students.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Frog Sighting

Frogs don't exist in the present. We hear the splash and see the ripples in the pond. Then we know that a frog had been nearby.