Thursday, January 01, 2009

2009 Ghoul Pool - Look Who's Dyin' In 2009

My 2008 Ghoul Pool had just one successful entry – Sir Edmund Hillary. That's the same result as my 2007 list, and better than 2006, where everyone survived the year. We’ll see how accurate my prognostications are for this year’s pool, “Look Who's Dyin' in 2009.”

  1. Geraldine Ferraro – Our first token female vice-presidential candidate, and one with qualifications to boot, she now is fully qualified to pass beyond the veil.
  2. Amy Winehouse – When she gets to the ultimate rehab clinic, she’s not gonna be able to say “no, no, no.”
  3. Seve Ballesteros – He’s not going to be able to hit his way out of the thick rough of his brain tumor.
  4. Ted Kennedy – He has plans to begin lobbying for equal protection for the “life sustainability challenged.”
  5. Steve Jobs – An Apple a day is not going to keep the Grim Reaper away.
  6. Billy Graham – He couldn’t afford to die in late 2008, but he’ll die in 2009 as economic conditions improve.
  7. Karl Malden – Wins the Oscar in “A Casket Named Desire.”
  8. Paul Harvey – “Hello, citizens of Heaven, I'm Paul Harvey.”
  9. Elizabeth Edwards – At this point it’s the only graceful way to get rid of John.
  10. Bob Barker – With the economy in shambles, the price is now finally right to get into Heaven.
And now, this year’s wildcard entry - Lance Armstrong, the cyclist/cancer survivor who doesn’t know when to say when, wins the Tour de Death and discovers that nobody wears those yellow LiveSTRONG bracelets on the other side.

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