The King Cake and I

Several years ago, one of my office mates (who has since gotten his law degree and joined the dark side) started a "Mardi Gras King Cake" tradition in our office. King Cakes are traditionally served between Epiphany and Mardi Gras. If you don't know about King Cakes, you can read about the here or here. Once or twice we ordered the cake from New Orleans, then we got them locally.

Last year I baked the cake, and it was a big hit, so I made it again this year, even though I didn't get the baby - there as little baby (Baby Jesus) hidden in the cake, and the lucky person getting that piece gets to bring the cake the next year! (Psst, don't tell anyone, but I have never gotten the baby!) Last year's cake was unfilled, but this year I did it with a cream cheese filling. Here's the best recipe I've found so far. It's the only one with the right proportions for the icing. Half of the filling is plenty, though.)

Here's the curmudgeon baker holding this year's cake. The blue sprinkles are actually purple.


What's even better about this Mardi Gras is that, in addition to King Cake, we're planning a waffle day, where we make waffles with every imaginable topping on them. We had everyone sign up to bring various toppings. Some of the confirmed dieters will be bringing in some "low fat" toppings. However, I can pretty much assure that this is going to be a diet busting event!

I'm a Boat Rocker!

Who would've guessed it!

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system. And while this may not seem big, it can be. It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes. You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Houston, We Have a Problem!

Here’s a good one. According to an Associated Press report, a company called Cybersoft Technologies has developed a system called Primero Food Service Solutions, which allows parents to set up prepaid lunch accounts so children don’t have to carry money. It is being implemented in the Houston Independent School District, the nation's seventh-largest with more than 250,000 students. While that’s nothing particularly new or interesting about the cashless purchasing system, what is interesting and what is being touted as one of the systems’s major features is that student profiles can be established to prevent students from purchasing forbidden items.

It sounds like a pretty good idea, especially for kids with food allergies, who could be prevented from inadvertant exposure to items containing such things as peanuts or milk products. Plus, parents can go online to monitor their child’s eating habits and add restrictions if desired.

It gets nastier, though. If Mom and Dad want little Chelsea, er, Big Chelsea, to take off a few pounds, then Chelsea’s profile can be set up to allow her to buy salads, but not brownies or apple pie.

The beautiful thing about this arrangement is not that Chelsea will be prevented from buying a brownie with her lunch money. The beauty is the Mom and Dad are going to believe that Chelsea is eating healthy whereas in fact she is going to eat whatever she wants. Chelsea is going to solve this parental restriction problem in one of two ways:

1. Chelsea will have a friend or group of friends who form a lunch club. As long as the club contains some members with no lunch purchase restrictions, Chelsea can buy chicken and salad, and friend Janine can buy pizza and brownies. Then they can split the lunch between them.

or…

2. Chelsea will have some enterprising classmates who have no lunch purchase restrictions. They are going to buy up chips and brownies and are going to sell them to Chelsea at a markup. These classmates will go to business school and will be successful but despicable managers in a Fortune 500 corporation.

Another oversold IT system thwarted!

Idaho Snake Charming

Rexburg, Idaho apartment dwellers can sleep easier tonight. That’s because Bessy the 8-foot-long Burmese python has been located after spending 2 weeks on the lam in a 57,000-square-foot apartment complex, according to an Associated Press article.

Kevin Kennedy, the apartment owner, wanted Bessy removed, dead or alive. But trying to find Bessy was no easy task. You don’t just whistle and “Here, Bessy Bessy Bessy!” and expect your Burmese Python to heel. Instead, Bessy was finally located by using a 100-foot-long “snake” with a camera. In “the most interesting plumbing job I’ve had so far,” Kip Salas of Advanced Plumbing located Bessy in the ceiling of a nearby apartment after a 3 hour search. After being lassoed and removed from the ceiling, Bessy was given something to eat, after which she was served with an eviction notice.

Bessy’s adventure began two weeks ago after she apparently escaped through a hole in a bathroom wall. Chelsea Stanford, Bessy’s owner, put up notices around the complex about the missing python, which caused some residents to refuse to spend the night in their apartments. This could have been a long term problem,since Burmese pythons can grow to 20 feet, weigh up to 200 pounds, and live about 25 years. The picture below is of a 16-footer.


I wonder how many other snake-sized holes there are in the walls of that apartment complex. If I lived there, I’d ask Kevin Kennedy some questions before closing both eyes to sleep again.

Update on Olympic Hero Joey Cheek

I recently reported on the success of US Olympic Speedskater Joey Cheek, both on and off the ice. In short, Cheek won the 500 Meter Speedskating event and donated his entire $25,000 check from the U.S. Olympic Committee to Right to Play, a humanitarian organization that uses sport and play as a tool for the development of children and youth in the most disadvantaged areas of the world.


On Saturday, Cheek competed in the 1000 meter event. The gold medalist was American Shani Davis, who had refused to participate in the Team Pursuit event Wednesday. "I'm not a team player," said Davis on Saturday, according to a New York Times article.

Joey Cheek won the silver medal in the 1000 meter race, adding to his gold medal in the 500 meter event. He will also be donating the $15,000 silver medal check to Right to Play. This news is even more exciting in that others, including clothing retailer Gap Inc., are donating as well, according to an Associated Press article, increasing the impact of Cheek's donation.

"I think we've had eight or nine companies or individuals match my original $25,000, and it looks like we're over a quarter of a million dollars donated -- and more keeps coming in," he said. "I'm more proud of that than winning the medals."

Joey Cheek is my hero of the 2006 Winter Olympics.

Presidents' Day Ski Weekend at Wisp

We just spent our annual Presidents' Day weekend in Garrett County, Maryland. Saturday we went to the Wisp Resort for downhill skiing. Although it had been rainy and nearly 60 degrees on Thursday, Saturday dawned with temperatures of about 20 degrees and it was windy and snowing.

Here's a photo of Beth and me on top of the mountain.


The following photo, unfortunately made necessary by Wisp’s proximity to Washington, DC, provides a sad commentary on the current American legal climate.

Luging, I Wish I Could Quit You

After seeing this picture I may have to start believing some of that Roswell stuff. It appears to be some alien mating ritual that may only occur in the mountains in the dead of winter.

I've Joined the Crew of Babylon 5

If you like science fiction (and even if you don't) you might enjoy this quiz that asks some interesting questions about society, government, and making hard decisions in a less-than-ideal world. I liked the quiz even better because it placed me on the crew of my favorite series, Babylon 5.

Many of you will know that Richard Biggs, who played Dr. Stephen Franklin, passed away in 2004. I am also sorry to report that Andreas Katsulas, who played Narn ambassador G'Kar on Babylon 5 and the one-armed Frederick Sykes in The Fugitive, just passed away.

You scored as Babylon 5 (Babylon 5). The universe is erupting into war and your government picks the wrong side. How much worse could things get? It doesn't matter, because no matter what you have your friends and you'll do the right thing. In the end that will be all that matters. Now if only the Psi Cops would leave you alone.

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)		81%
Moya (Farscape)		69%
Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)		69%
Serenity (Firefly)		69%
FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)		63%
Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)		56%
Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)		56%
Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)		50%
SG-1 (Stargate)		44%
Enterprise D (Star Trek)		44%
Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)		44%
Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)		25%

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

Till A Macabre Death Do Us Part...

A Valentine’s Day wedding. A romantic location. An exotic honeymoon. It’s a sure-fire way to begin a lifelong marriage of love, commitment, and devotion, right? Well, not if you’re Kanchana Ketkaew and Bunthawee Siengwong, of Thailand.

Kanchana, you see, is Thailand's Scorpion Queen, having set a (since-broken) world record in 2002 for spending 32 days in a glass cage with 3,400 scorpions, while Bunthawee, Thailand's Centipede King, set a Thai record for enduring 28 days with 1,000 centipedes.

This couple, apparently having no aspiration to becoming Thailand’s answer to Ward and June Cleaver, held their Valentine's Day's nuptials Tuesday at a haunted house, according to an Associated Press article. Kanchana's bridal gown on Tuesday was adorned with live scorpions, while Bunthawee enticed his bride by placing a centipede in his mouth.

Six other couples also donned scary makeup and blood-spattered dresses to wed in ghoulish style. They held a traditional Thai ceremony in which elders blessed the couple with holy water. Each couple then climbed into a coffin to symbolically consummate their union.

I’m going to go out on a rotted, bug-infested limb here and predict that this marriage is over the first time one of them calls Terminix.

A New American Olympic Hero

OK, I’ll admit it. I’m a cynical curmudgeon. Especially about sports. The big contracts, celebrity status, wild antics, and arrogant attitudes of many of our most talented professional athletes make it hard to think of them as heroes or as role models for our children. The NFL’s Terrell “I’ll bite the hand that throws passes to me” Owens, the NBA’s Ron “Forget the game, I’ll fight your fans” Artest, and, the NHL’s Phoenix Coyotes Assistant Coach and Chief Gambling Officer Rick Tocchet are recent examples of this behavior. Even our beloved Super Bowl MVP Hines Ward held out from the 2005 training camp, even though he was already under contract with the Steelers for $1.66 million.

But now, the 2006 Winter Olympics brings us a story that has thawed my cold cold heart. February 13 saw US Olympian Joey Cheek win the gold medal in the 500 Meter Speedskating event. Cheek skated 2 nearly flawless races and beat the defending Olympic champion in the event, Casey FitzRandolph.

But as wonderful as Cheek’s victory was, it paled in comparison with what came after. At the post-race news conference Cheek announced that he would be donating the $25,000 gold medal bonus from the U.S. Olympic Committee to a humanitarian organization, Right to Play, an athlete-driven international humanitarian organization that uses sport and play as a tool for the development of children and youth in the most disadvantaged areas of the world.

Right to Play is also the favorite cause of Norwegian speedskating superstar Johann Olav Koss, whose performance in the 1994 Lillehammer Olympics inspired Cheek to switch from inline skating to speedskating. Cheek had this to say about Koss: “The things that he has done for other people has been an absolute inspiration for me. Now I have an opportunity to do something similar. It’s my hope that I can assist some people and maybe walk in his large shoes.”

At the press conference, Cheek also made the following statements:

• “I always felt like if I ever did something big like this I wanted to be prepared to give something back.”
• “I can either take the time and just gush about how wonderful I feel or use it for something productive.”
• “What I do is great fun. I’ve seen the entire world and I’ve met amazing friends. But it’s honestly a pretty ridiculous thing. I mean I skate around on ice in tights, right?”

Saturday, Joey Cheek will be competing in the 1,000 meters, a race that also features American world record holder Shani Davis. Anything Cheek wins from that race is going to Right to Play, too. I know who I’ll be rooting for.

Sniffing Out That Perfect Valentine's Day Gift

You’ve thought, and you’ve shopped, but let’s face it, you’re a guy, and the idea for that extra-special Valentine’s Day gift is eluding you. Fortunately, though, you have a nose for news, and the Associated Press (along with one obscure but romantically-sensitive blogger) has come through once again.

You see, you and your significant other are lacking only one thing that could make your relationship stand the test of time. I’m referring, of course, to matching noses. That’s right, the bloodhounds at the Associated Press have been sniffing out the latest trends, and the very latest one is for couples to go to the plastic surgeon’s office to make their schnozzolas look alike, for richer or for poorer.

And now, at least, you can be a little less poorer. Thinking of how romantic a nose job can be, some clinics are advertising special Valentine's Day packages. For example, one clinic is offering a 20 percent discount from February 14-17.

The hotbed of this surgery is Shanghai, China’s wealthiest and most image-conscious city, where the business is celebrated in plastic surgery inspired beauty contests and television shows. Plastic surgery is now a $2 billion business as the newly prosperous Chinese seek shapelier noses, fuller breasts, and other features, the likes of which did not clear the Associated Press “can I print this in a mainstream news article” department.

I have to admit that I’m a little old fashioned when it comes to this kind of thing. My spouse and I have no matching tattoos or body piercings, and we don’t even dye our hair the same color. We do use the same kind of toothpaste, though. I think it’s made by a company in Shanghai.

Gretzky to Testify in Support of Unlimited Wiretapping Powers

NHL Hall of Famer and current Phoenix Coyotes coach Wayne Gretzky has reportedly agreed to testify in support of unlimited government wiretapping before the Senate Judiciary Committee. Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales remarked “The Justice Department has today shot and scored a great victory over the forces of terrorism and illegal gambling.”

Gretzky, who holds dual U.S.-Canadian citizenship, strongly supports government wiretapping because a recently recorded conversation between him and Phoenix Coyotes assistant Rick Tocchet supported Gretzky's contention that he had no prior knowledge of an illegal gambling ring linked to his wife, dancer and actress Janet Jones, and Tocchet.

Gretzky's support of the government's wiretapping authority was not enough to convince everyone, however. The country's largest business lobbying organization issued the following statement of concern regarding the government’s surveillance program: “Although we support the government’s right to eavesdrop on anyone of Arab descent, or who speaks with an accent, or otherwise looks like a terrorist, we’re concerned about the use of wiretaps against gamblers.”

Those concerns were dismissed by Gonzalez, who issued a statement saying, “The President has repeatedly said that our job is to protect the American people. We’re not talking about some innocent office baby pool here. These well-meaning people start by gambling on the Super Bowl, but we know they don’t stop there. The next thing you know they’re moving taking on more dangerous stakes, like bingo, mutual funds, and eventually, God forbid, the stock market. You’ve got to nip this thing in the bud while you can.”

Yinzer Test An'at

I have to admit that I guessed on at least one of the questions, but...I scored as 100% fluent in Pittsburghese! Finally, I'm worthy of the YNZ decal on my car. However, I don't recall having ever confused a Pitt freshman...

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The Yinzer

You are 100% fluent in Pittsburghese! You've lived here for most of your life, or you've spent a lot of time absorbing local culture. Either way, you're capable of thoroughly confusing tourists and Pitt freshman alike.

Take The Pittsburghese Test

Candle With All The Marbles

I really like this abstract taken with my Canon Powershot S410 and highly processed in Paint Shop Pro 9. It is of an oblong candle with glass marbles on the candlestand.

Ready, Fire, Aim!

The Associated Press reports that Vice-President Dick "Trigger" Cheney showed his conservative restraint once again yesterday by shooting one of his hunting companions while quail hunting in southern Texas. The victim, Harry Whittington, a millionaire attorney from Austin, found himself in the unenviable position of being between the Vice-President and his quarry, and, as property owner Katharine Armstrong said, "by God, Harry was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty good." I hate it when that happens.

About a year and a half ago I took a Hunter Safety class with 2 of my sons. One of the primary lessons was to not only have a clear line of sight to your target, but to also know what is behind your target. Mr. Cheney was so anxious to shoot his quail that he didn't bother to follow this basic rule. I hope that Mr. Cheney is forced to attend one of these classes. Nevertheless, I would still advise you to closely follow the Vice-President's schedule, and then plan to always be in a different state.

The unfortunate Mr. Whittington has long been active in Texas Republican politics, and was was once appointed by then-governor George W. Bush to the Texas Funeral Service Commission. I checked out the Commission's website and note that its mission "is to protect the public from deceptive practices". One can only wonder what the mission of the commission was when Mr. Bush was governor. Thinking...thinking...done. " The Texas Funeral Service Commission - protecting Texas businesses from extortion by the bereaved."

Pittsburgh's Monster Garage

A recent Pittsburgh Post-Gazette photo spot showed these fans taking in the Monster Trucks at Pittsburgh's Mellon Arena.

First off, let me say how happy I am that the Mellon Arena is being put to such good use, because it's an abominable place to watch hockey, according to Mario Lemieux. I am certain that if at least $300 million is used to build a new arena, the fans will be ecstatic to watch the Penguins lose there.

Sorry, back to Monster Trucks...I certainly am glad to see that these fans were using hearing protectors, but I'm wondering if they got the real Monster Truck experience. Monster Trucks are supposed to be loud. If your ears aren't ringing afterwards, then it was a waste of your time and money to go. It's like going to see the Rolling Stones, except that the Monster Truck drivers are 30 years younger. Nobody goes to a Rolling Stones concert wearing hearing protectors (although some Pittsburgh fans at the Super Bowl were seen covering their ears with their Terrible Towels.) The point is - if you want to turn down the sound, then watch the Monster Truck Channel on cable TV. If you're going to see the them live, you need to, well, sacrifice your eardrums because that's the way we did it when I was a kid.

Just after this picture was taken, the following father-son bonding conversation reportedly took place:

Dad: "Son, how'd ya like the way that truck flipped over?"
Son: "Huh?"
Dad: "I said, How'd ya like the way that truck flipped over?"
Son: "I can't hear ya, Dad. I was watchin' the way that truck flipped over. It's a good thing the driver was wearing his lap and shoulder belt. Still, I think his truck would still be going if he'd shut off his cell phone. I hope you won't be talkin' on your cell phone on the way home, Dad."
Dad: "Shut up and put your hearing protector back on, Son."

Important Health Care Update

The New York Times Magazine reported Sunday on an important advance in skin care treatment. In case you can’t access the link, here is a brief summary:

1. You’re ugly
2. It’s not your fault
3. It’s in the water
4. Don’t worry, it can be fixed
5. But it’s not gonna be cheap

The culprits are heavy metals in water, claims Dennis Gross, a Manhattan dermatologist and founder of MD Skincare. These metals, found at parts-per-million (one drop per 18 gallons) levels can, in combination with other components of perfectly good drinking water, cause jowls, fine lines, crow’s feet, and acne. In short, if you wash your face in tap water tonight, you could look like Keith Richards when you wake up tomorrow morning.

The article reports that this public health menace has 3 potential solutions:

1. Give your money to Dennis Gross, who will sell you moisturizers containing chelators, which bind to the heavy metals and take them from your face into the environment.
2. Give your money to renowned hairstylist Jonathan Antin, who now sells a shower water purification system. It’s OK to drink your tap water on your mountain bike ride, but whatever you do, don’t use it to wash the mud off afterward.
3. Give your money to French cosmetics company Clarins, which in January rolled out its line of no-rinse cleansing products. Call me skeptical, but I’m thinking that you’ve got to get that stuff off of your skin sooner or later.

Don't expect any of these treatments to be covered by your health care plan, even if you work at MD Skincare, The Bravo Network, or Clarins.

I never thought I'd say this, but I do have something in common with Keith Richards. Neither of us are wasting any of our money on this stuff.

Which Pittsburgh Steeler Are You?

Now that would be an interesting quiz. But nobody has come up with one yet (hint! hint!) So I offer instead my results on the "What Christian Theologian Are You" quiz. I have my doubts about the "everyone loves you" part, though.

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"God will not suffer man to have the knowledge of things to come; for if he had prescience of his prosperity he would be careless; and understanding of his adversity he would be senseless."

You are Augustine! You love to study tough issues and don't mind it if you lose sleep over them. Everyone loves you and wants to talk to you and hear your views, you even get things like "nice debating with you." Yep, you are super smart, even if you are still trying to figure it all out. You're also very honest, something people admire, even when you do stupid things.

What theologian are you?

The Super Steelers!

The brownies were great.

And so were the Steelers! They did what it took to win! What an exciting game! What a great team victory!

Congratulations to the Super Steelers!

The Black and the Gold

Today my wife decided to put the finishing touches on our preparations for the Super Bowl. Dessert. It's brownies. But not just any brownies. It's brownies with black and gold chocolate chips. Actually the black chips are chocolate and the gold are butterscotch. I'm looking forward to finishing them off, although with 4 kids in our family I'll probably have to come up with a super game plan if I expect to get more than one.

Did I mention that this is a GIANT batch of Black and Gold brownies? The recipe was for "Outrageous Brownies." Little did we know how outrageous they would be. The batch filled up an oversized cookie sheet. Correction - the batch MORE than filled up an oversized cookie sheet. It ended up overflowing and filling the bottom of the oven, engulfing our kitchen in smoke. We valiantly battled the smoke bomb with our overhead fan and open windows. Fortunately, we didn't need to call in the nearest crew of smoke jumpers. Amazingly, none of our smoke detectors went off. Apparently they knew it was for a good cause.

Husband's observation: Maybe the "Cool to room temperature" part of the recipe was meant to be taken literally."

However, my wife is still in complete denial: "That was part of my game plan. We're gonna smoke Seattle in the Super Bowl!"

OK, I'll have to trust her on that one! The good news is that they are truly black and gold. GO STEELERS!

Verizon FIOS Install (Part 2)

The FIOS installation went better than I had anticipated. The Verizon people showed up at about 9:00 or so. They came in 2 trucks. They discovered that they had to string a new line from the box at the end of my road, about 1/4 mile away. Then they wired it to a new box (Optical Network Terminal) on the outside of the house next to the old box. The phone part of the line comes through the old box (Network Interface Device.) The data part comes into the garage and terminates in a RJ45 jack. There's also a power supply with a battery backup - I supply the power now, not Verizon.

Then we had to decide how to run the indoor ethernet cable. When we built an addition 3-4 years ago we had several new phone lines installed using Cat5 cable, anticipating that we'd need them for DSL. We never ended up getting DSL, but the jack for one of these lines is about 6 feet from my computer. So all they had to do was replace the phone jack with an RJ45 jack and connect the other end to the RJ45 jack in the garage.

Verizon supplies a D-Link DI-624 wireless router. I don't have it installed yet because I already had a DI-524 wireless router. All we had to do was change the WAN type from Dynamic IP Address to PPPoE.

All in all, it was about a 4 hour job. Here's my current speed - just a tad slower on the download side than Comcast.


I don't notice any difference in the voice phone service. So, barring any messups in the next month, we'll be dropping Comcast.

Verizon FIOS Install (Part 1)

OK, tomorrow it’s supposed to happen. The Verizon FIOS people are scheduled to show up in the morning and by afternoon my fiber optic Internet service should be installed.

Until a couple of years ago, all I could get was dial-up. DSL wasn’t available in our area. Someone actually came in and installed a wireless “high speed” system that involved putting a receiver on our roof and pointing it at a tower. This worked fine in the winter but those lush Western Pennsylvania leaves blocked it in the summer. Fortunately, by that time cable internet was available and I signed on with Comcast. I have to say that I have been very pleased with Comcast. Other than a few (very few) occasions, I’ve experienced almost no service interruptions and the times I’ve had to call customer service have involved minimal waiting. So I do have some concerns about making the change.

Why am I trying out Verizon FIOS? Price, I guess, with the promise of more speed. I can get the same download speed as currently get from Comcast for $10/month cheaper. Or I can basically triple my download speed (15 Mbps) for the same price I’m paying now. Plus, there’s no installation fee, I get a free router (always good to have another router for the next lightning strike - I've lost 2 so far), and I can cancel within 30 days with no further obligation. If I keep it, I have a 1-year commitment with a prorated $99 early termination fee.

Here’s my current speed on Comcast as calculated by Speakeasy:


Look for an update tomorrow.

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Bucks the Supersizing Trend

You wanna make that a Biggie? Ah, the words that send an endorphin rush through our oversized bodies. We love our oversized portions, plus, they're a great deal. And, we don't even have to get out of the car. Just stop at the drive-through on the way home from Curves.

Despite the popularity of supersized meal combos, industry leader McDonald's has courageously decided to buck that trend. Now you can head for the nearest Golden Arches and come away with a California Cobb Salad with Grilled Chicken, Newman's Own Low Fat Balsamic Vinaigrette, and a 1% Low Fat Milk Jug. Precisely the things that you don't want to supersize, which (along with an edict from their anti-obesity trial lawyers) is why they got rid of the "Supersize" name.

And now, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, One of America's Great Newspapers, has also seen the light. Their crack team of specially trained portion control consultants made use of space-age technology to shrink the Sunday comics down to the size of a 39¢ stamp. I was looking at them this morning and had to get really really REALLY close to focus, taking great care not to actually brush the paper against my face lest an entire frame of Zits end up on my nose.

Now, before you label me a 21st Century Luddite, I want to make it clear that I am all for advances in nanotechnology. But not for the Sunday Comics. NEWS FLASH FOR THE POST-GAZETTE - The Sunday Paper is like Playboy - nobody buys it for the articles, all claims to the contrary notwithstanding.

Supersize the Sunday comics before I end up with Biggie bug-eyes!