Gretzky to Testify in Support of Unlimited Wiretapping Powers

NHL Hall of Famer and current Phoenix Coyotes coach Wayne Gretzky has reportedly agreed to testify in support of unlimited government wiretapping before the Senate Judiciary Committee. Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales remarked “The Justice Department has today shot and scored a great victory over the forces of terrorism and illegal gambling.”

Gretzky, who holds dual U.S.-Canadian citizenship, strongly supports government wiretapping because a recently recorded conversation between him and Phoenix Coyotes assistant Rick Tocchet supported Gretzky's contention that he had no prior knowledge of an illegal gambling ring linked to his wife, dancer and actress Janet Jones, and Tocchet.

Gretzky's support of the government's wiretapping authority was not enough to convince everyone, however. The country's largest business lobbying organization issued the following statement of concern regarding the government’s surveillance program: “Although we support the government’s right to eavesdrop on anyone of Arab descent, or who speaks with an accent, or otherwise looks like a terrorist, we’re concerned about the use of wiretaps against gamblers.”

Those concerns were dismissed by Gonzalez, who issued a statement saying, “The President has repeatedly said that our job is to protect the American people. We’re not talking about some innocent office baby pool here. These well-meaning people start by gambling on the Super Bowl, but we know they don’t stop there. The next thing you know they’re moving taking on more dangerous stakes, like bingo, mutual funds, and eventually, God forbid, the stock market. You’ve got to nip this thing in the bud while you can.”