Bush Administration Military Cutbacks Announced!

It's true! The Pentagon announced today that the US will be withdrawing most of its service members and all of its fighter jets and helicopters from Iceland by the end of September. This includes most of the 1,200 US troops stationed in Iceland, as well as the four U.S. jet fighters and several U.S. helicopters used in search-and-rescue missions.

Icelandic Prime Minister Haldor Asgrimsson and Foreign Minister Geir H. Haarde expressed their disappointment with the unilateral decision. "We have unconfirmed reports of Viking sleeper cells in Greenland who have been waiting for us to lower our guard," noted Haarde.

U.S. Ambassador Carol van Voorst said she and Nicholas Burns, the U.S. under secretary of state, told Icelandic officials that the U.S. accepts full responsibility for the defense of Iceland, despite its "Blue State" status on the White House War Room map. "The fact of the matter is that there are only so many U.S. military resources to go around. We need to be about the business of securing Iran's oil fields rather than protecting some left-wing geothermal pipe dream," noted a Pentagon official speaking on condition of anonymity.