Ho Ho No No

The Associated Press reported today that the Santa Clara, California school board is considering a 24/7 ban on all junk food. This would mean no more PTA bake sales or classroom birthday parties with cake and ice cream. District officials said the proposal is prompted by the rise in fat kids.

Yep, there is incontrovertible evidence that it's those birthday parties that are turning Patty into Fatty.

I can just imagine the following conversation once this policy is enacted and all Santa Clara schools are designated "Low BMI Zones."

Mom: Patty, what do you want to take for your birthday snack tomorrow?
Patty: Ho Hos!
Mom: You can't take them. You remember what happened to Tommy when he brought in those Twinkies, don't you?
Patty: I know, they sent his whole family to the Al Roker Clinic for a week.
Mom: That's right, dear. So what's your next choice?
Patty: Letsee, what can we get by with...how about raw unsalted peanuts?
Mom: Heavens, Patty, have you forgotten that Katie is allergic to peanuts. Why, if gets within 10 feed of a peanut she goes into anaphylactic shock.
Patty: Sorry, Mom, I forgot all about that. What about low fat yogurt sweetened with Splenda?
Mom: I don't think that would be such a hot idea. This is National Lactose Intolerance Awareness Month.
Patty: Oh, just forget it. Apparently the only approved snack is the Birthday Hunger Strike.