Friday, May 26, 2006

Important New Miracle Food - Your Test Scores Will Skyrocket!

At Scott's Spot we're often asked to review groundbreaking research proposals. Many of them have unrealistic expectations, inadequate funding, and infighting among the project staff. However, some projects are destined to lead to revolutionary results and automatically get our nod and wink of approval.

One such project has determined that eating milk chocolate may boost brain function.
"Chocolate contains many substances that act as stimulants, such as theobromine, phenethylamine, and caffeine," notes Dr. Bryan Raudenbush from Wheeling Jesuit University in West Virginia. "These substances by themselves have previously been found to increase alertness and attention and what we have found is that by consuming chocolate you can get the stimulating effects, which then lead to increased mental performance."

The actual paper is very long and contains a number of obscure technical terms, so our graphics department has designed the Reader's Digest Condensed Books version of this paper. Voila!

3 Comments:

At May 26, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmmm........I am a chocoholic, an have not experienced these stimulating effects. I just get fatter......Neals mom

 
At May 27, 2006, Blogger Scott said...

Freda, Perhaps you're not including enough protein between Snickers bars. Perhaps London Broil would help matters. See my post here for details.

Unfortunately for us, Neal's culinary resources seem to be better than ours!

 
At May 27, 2006, Blogger Neal said...

Yeah, I have four cooks taking care of me (and the other 60 people), which helps a lot.

 

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