Red Alert, Don Ho!

The Associated Press reported today that the humuhumunukunukuapuaa is no longer considered the state fish of Hawaii. The humuhumu was designated the state fish in 1984, but the designation only lasted 5 years. This sunsetting provision appears to have come about because the support for the humuhumu came from Hawaii's schoolchildren rather than through some well-financed lobbying organization promising lavish luaus with plenty of wahines.

I personally wouldn't know anything about the humuhumu were it not for Miss Bloom, my 7th grade music teacher. She had taken a vacation to Hawaii, had her picture taken with Don Ho, and brought back enough stuff to spend a whole year on the music of Hawaii. We had to sing "My Little Grass Shack" along with Don Ho and could spell "humuhumunukunukuapuaa" forwards and backwards. And that's still the only thing I remember about that class and about Hawaiian music.

I've carefully considered this situation and have come up with a solution: Hawaii's legislators should drop the weighty matters they're currently considering and not only make the humuhumunukunukuapuaa the state fish in perpetuity, but also pass a constitutional amendment circumventing the possibility of the humuhumu's interbreeding with other fish such as the oopu and ulua, which are rumored to swim in large predatory schools just off the coast of Kealakekua.