Getting Off Your Dead Ass In Fayette County, Pennsylvania

The Pittsburgh Tribune Review (which, to its credit, doesn't claim to be One of America's Great Newspapers), recently reported on the shooting of a donkey near Blue Rock Road in Nicholson Township, near Uniontown, PA.

The Pennsylvania State Police are on the case. No speed traps in Fayette County this week. All of the Trib's paparazzi have been pulled from the "Which Barely Legal Female Does 84 Lumber Founder Joe Hardy Have the Hots for Now" storyline and are camped along Blue Rock Road. Cyril Wecht called a news conference and proposed a single bullet theory, which has been discounted by many in the media, including filmmaker Kevin Costner.

There are no suspects at this time. Police are asking anyone with information to contact them immediately.