Waistlines Grow While SAT Scores Drop

Kids' waistlines are growing, as are those of the rest of us. Call it Spongebob Stomach. Call it Gamecube Gut. Call it the Freshman 15 (inflated from the Freshman 10, as it was called when I went to college). Whatever you call it, it’s ugly.

What's worse, we discover that Junior’s spare tire has brought another unwelcome friend to the party. That’s right. As the girth of our kids’ midsections has gone up, their SAT scores have come down.

We asked the Scott's Spot Educational Nutrition Department to look into it, and we can now recommend a cost effective solution to both problems. Don't bother sending your kids to those expensive SAT preparation courses. Just go to the supermarket and get some Ultra Slim Fast. You'll save a few bucks now, and maybe you'll see some big scholarship money later.