Sunday Paper Musings

It's Monday night. The perfect time to start reading the Sunday paper. That's the thing about the Sunday paper - they assemble most of it in advance anyway, so there's no fresh news and no need for any of it to be read on Sunday.

Reading the Sunday paper usually goes like this:

1. Dilbert.
2. Employment Classified.
3. Rest of the comics - but only if I can find my magnifying glass. A leading proponent of comics nanotechnology, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, One of America's Great Newspapers, is out to make Pittsburgh the "Eyestrain Capital of the World." It's bad enough that I need bifocals, but now I need a fresnel lens to see the funnies.
4. Rest of the paper when I get to it.

But I digress. It's Monday night, which is actually early for me to be reading most of the Sunday paper. This week I haven't even read Dilbert yet. Last week being particularly abominable, I went straight to the Employment Classified section. I don't know why I even waste my time. Then, I got inspired to look at the Business section. There’s some piece about office gossip. I know a little bit about that! But then the article talked about engineering gossip to boost productivity. Sorry, that article was written for someone else!

Next, still wallowing in the Business section, I happened upon an article by Len Boselovic called "Hedge funds have come a long way." Now there's a title no red-blooded American male can resist! I begin reading. Blah...blah...blah... "Because of their performance, hedge funds have replaced tech stocks as cocktail party chatter." At this point my brain issues a red alert - the author has written this article for someone else! I look to see who wrote the article. Len Boselovic. I wonder how you say that last name. Boh-sell'-oh-vitch? Boh-sell'-oh-vick? Boss'-uh-la-vitch? Boss'-uh-la-vick? Who can tell? And, what's worse, I get to thinking. Have I met this guy at a recent cocktail party, and just forgotten how to pronounce his name? No, not a chance. Was I perhaps at another cocktail party that Len forgot to come to, where I was discussing hedge funds? Again, no way. In fact, I have been to no cocktail parties where people discussed hedge funds. Not only that, I have been to no cocktail parties where those passé tech stocks were discussed! Filled with self-doubt, I start to wonder - am I really that out of touch with reality? AHA – NO! The realization strikes me - It's Lenbo who's out of touch! He probably went to one stinkin' cocktail party where he overheard someone talking about doing some hedge trimming, and this led to the article I'm reading.

Fortunately, I'm only 4 paragraphs into it. Not hooked yet. Having nothing else to do, and still mildly curious about Len's cocktail parties, I read on to paragraph 5. "A large part of the hedge fund [boom] is based on snob appeal" is the opening statement of that paragraph. There's the issue! Len's worried about snob appeal! This means he has nothing in common with the investment department at Scott's Spot, which hasn't the slightest interest in anything smacking of snobbery.

Hey, if you end up at a cocktail party where they're discussing hedge funds, and you see Len there, would you please get me the pronunciation of his last name?