Hurry! Buy Water and Toilet Paper!

That's right! It's time to panic! Pennsylvania has established a "PA Pandemic Preparedness" website. ABC is airing a movie called "Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America." No doubt about it, the sky is about to fall, and we need to change our lives to deal with it.

Scott's Spot is taking this threat seriously, so much so that we've cancelled our normal Tuesday "Buffalo Wings Night" to brainstorm some new BUTT (Birdflu Utilities, Tools and Techniques.) Our favorite brainstorming technique is called "spin the bottle," where we all sit in a circle, spin an empty bottle of (in this case) Grey Goose vodka, and the person at whom the bottle points has to come up with a solution that will help us deal with bird flu. However, solutions for curing cancer or fostering world peace are acceptable as well. Here's what we came up with tonight:

1. Go to Sam's Club and buy a Suburban load of toilet paper.
2. Stock your pantry with Sam's Choice water.
3. Fight bird with bird - buy all the Grey Goose you can get your hands on.
4. Have Homeland Security issue every citizen a can of Black Flag Bird Death.
5. Convince the local Audubon Society to have a Memorial Day robin's nest count and destroy.
6. Write bird flu awareness questions for "No Child Left Behind" testing.
7. Aw, come on, guys, Bob's Pizza and Wings has free delivery.
8. Have an elementary school bird flu awareness poster contest. Oops, we have a winner: