Denim Envy

OK, I'll admit it. In addition to being a curmudgeon, I'm also cheap. When someone asks me what I look for in a pair of jeans, I say "They fit. They're cheap." I like the cheapest jeans that fit. But sometimes, I have a soft moment. I think, "Maybe I'm afraid of really living. Maybe I should give up give up high speed internet access and forego a house payment for a month to get a pair of jeans that help me more adequately express my curmudgeonliness."

It's times like that when I'm tempted to go to 5416 Walnut Street in Pittsburgh's Shadyside section. There, I can get a pair of Dolce & Gabbana jeans, in a destroyed straight-leg silhouette styling. They're medium blue with colorful hand-embroidered butterflies at the waist and down the legs and, on a rear pocket, a large metal DG placard with a pink leathery backing. There are only 8 pairs in the region, and there's a worldwide waiting list. And they're only $1150. But then reality sets in. I'd have to spring for the sex change operation first, since they're in a ladies' size 10.

I guess I'll have to pass this time. I wonder if anyone in Darfur can make use of them.