Cellar Dweller Status of the Pittsburgh Pirates - Explained!

Pittsburgh Pirates fans have been lamenting the team's sorry performance for years. At times, the team shows promise, but they never come through.

But now we know why. The answer is in the pages of the Steroid Report by former Senator George Mitchell.

According to an article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, One of America's Great Newspapers, there are no current Pirates players using steroids! Crimony! If you're going to make it in Major League Baseball, you've got to use steroids, human growth hormone, or other performance enhancing drugs! The Pirates just aren't showing the dedication of winning teams such as the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox, and they're certainly not showing the dedication of the Pirates of old such as Barry Bonds, Kevin Young, and Denny Neagle.

At least new Pirates manager John Russell should provide some caffeinated coffee in the dugout next year.