Got Big Carotid Arteries? Then Avoid Las Vegas!

We all know that police do racial profiling. But we didn't know that they did physical profiling. And we never would have suspected that they would base their physical profiling on, are you ready for this, a "pumping carotid artery."

For you anatomically challenged readers, the carotid artery is the prominent artery that runs through your neck, carrying the blood to your brain. So, if you have a pumping carotid artery, it means that you're alive. Which is a very good thing.



Except if you're the wanted polygamist Warren Steed Jeffs. His pumping carotid artery suggested something different to Nevada Highway Patrolman Eddie Dutchover. When he saw that bugger pumping, Dutchover knew that he had cornered someone big. "I knew some type of criminal activity was possibly afoot," he said.



The options for the carotid arterially enhanced are as follows:

1. Die
2. Avoid Vegas
3. Wear a Turtleneck