Screaming Down The Slopes

Word has reached Scott's Spot of the latest project of Austrian speed skier Harry Egger. Egger is using a new high-tech carbon suit in an attempt to become the world's fastest man on skis. Egger's goal is to exceed 155 mph using this new suit.


The development of Egger's suit was done using computer technology and a wind tunnel used by Formula 1 team Sauber. The cost? About $73,000. Fortunately, Egger didn't have to pay. The development was sponsored by (and I know this is going to surprise you) Red Bull.



What's to keep Egger from crashing into the ski lodge? Well, the suit is equipped with button-operated parachute that will bring Egger's record run to a safe (and stylish) end. Any bets as to which logo's gonna be on the chute? I'm guessing it's gonna look something like this:



All of this is what Egger and Red Bull want you to believe. But the investigative reporters at Scott's Spot have obtained some inside information about what's really going to happen on that mountain. Take a close look at that suit. Harry Egger's not in there. That thing's not human at all. It's a Transformer. I paid a local high schooler a case of Red Bull to hack into the Hasbro product development website and he found that the picture of "Harry Egger" above is actually a Transformer called "Downhillion." It makes use of Transwarp technology to achieve its speed on the slopes.

And now you know...the rest of the story.