A Kiss In Time. Jail Time, That Is. Unless You're Kissing Cousins...

You won't find too many Public Displays of Affection (PDAs) at Scott's Spot. Which is probably the only thing we have in common with Tangerang, Indonesia, a western suburb Jakarta, where a regulation has been issued banning the public kissing of unrelated people. Offenders who are timed kissing in public for more than 5 minutes face arrest.

Scott's Spot has been contracted by the government of Tangerang to develop posters communicating the difference between good and bad behavior with respect to kissing. To avoid offending the public morality, people could not be depicted on the posters. I think the following should do nicely:

Scott's Spott's Thoughts:

1. People shouldn't kiss in public for more than 5 minutes. People shouldn't kiss in public for more than 5 seconds, either.
2. Does the 5 minute limit apply only to uninterruped kissing, or can the kissing time be aggregated over a time period, like an hour?
3. If two people kiss in a public place and nobody sees them for a time, does the clock start ticking only after they're discovered?
4. What recordkeeping is required in order to obtain a conviction? Will video evidence be required? Will properly-calibrated stopwatches be issued to the osculation-cessation squads?
5. The public kissing limitations have been established to enforce the local standards of public morality. Fine, but what's to become of the morals of the osculation-cessation officers. Will they too be jailed for having their morals corrupted for having witnessed such debauchery?
6. And what happens if they find out that the five-minute face suckers are related? That's a worse thing in my book. Will this offense result in mandatory jail time, or even something as drastic as exile to West Virginia?